It’s up to you New York — Yankees to get healthy

Yankees OF Harrison Bader was just activated from the IL — and he was injured after colliding with Oswald Peraza

It hurts to watch the New York Yankees right now. And if you play for the Bronx Bombers, chances are, you’re also hurt. (If you’re not, don some bubble wrap or some shit so you don’t end up breaking or pulling something.) The Yanks — decimated by injuries — are 17-15 and sitting in last place in the American League East.

$360 million man Aaron Judge hurt his hip on his 31st birthday. In a surprise to absolutely no one, Giancarlo Stanton’s hamstring sent him to the IL. Also on the injured list: Josh Donaldson, big free agent acquisition Carlos Rodon, Luis Severino, Frankie Montas, Jonathan Loáisiga, Lou Trivino, and Tommy Kahnle. That’s seven of the 12 total.

Harrison Bader was just activated on Tuesday — and he’s hurt again, along with Oswald Peraza, after they collided during the ninth inning of New York’s 4-3 win over the Cleveland Guardians.

“I think Harrison’s going to be fine,’’ manager Aaron Boone said after the game. “He was in really good spirits and laughing in the training room.’’

Aaron Hicks needs to go

Without Judge and Stanton, Boone has had to run out another Aaron — Hicks — who can’t seem to hit or field worth a shit anymore. On the young season, he’s batting .146 with ZERO home runs, one RBI, and a .357 OPS. And he plays like absolute dogshit in the outfield.

Nice catch, fuckstick

Offensively, the Yankees are 23rd in runs scored (126), 25th in hits (235), 24th in RBI (119), 26th in team batting average (.228), and 28th in on-base percentage (.297). That’s bound to happen when you are giving guys like Willie Calhoun, Franchy Cordero, IKF, and Kyle Higashioka regular at-bats.

And the youngsters aren’t producing much either. Peraza is batting .188 and Oswaldo Cabrera is batting .196. After a slow start, New Jersey native Anthony Volpe at least seems to be turning things around.

Harrison Bader and Oswald Peraza collide

Blame Cash

Brian Cashman is blaming this horrendous start on injuries — and himself. And he should take accountability. Sure he spent big to keep Judge in pinstripes, but he went and acquired liabilities like Montas.

It may be too early to panic, but the Yankees are already 8.5 games out of first. The Rays continue to dominate. The Orioles are much improved. And Toronto already took two of three from the Bronx Bombers this season, and could possibly win the season series. And if the club gets healthy and goes on a tear, they still can’t get past Houston come playoff time.

As Deadspin’s resident Yankee fan — yes, fuck you, too! — of course, I’m all about a “World Series or bust” attitude. But this team isn’t going to win a ring. Not with this GM or manager. But don’t just take it from me.

“All the money in the world can’t save the Yankees from the injury bug. The pitching rotation is gutted, their two best power hitters are getting comfy on the IL, and to make matters worse, Bader finally returns only to leave last night’s game following a 9th-inning collision,” said Jeb Biggart, who was at last night’s game. “The Yanks are cursed with injury-prone stars, but that’s where depth has to make up the difference. Unfortunately, Cashman and Boone have built such a top-heavy lineup, that they’re destined for mediocrity when the injury bug comes to claim lives. A tale as old as time. Same shit, just a different year.”

This week in bad omens: Aaron Judge injures hip on 31st birthday

Image for article titled This week in bad omens: Aaron Judge injures hip on 31st birthday

Unfortunately, the ethical standards of journalism prevent me from accepting any contributions, or gifts as a thank you for my work, so for those of you looking to Venmo me some beer money for my part in the New York Yankees overpaying Aaron Judge, all I ask is that you make a donation to a charity of your choice. In case you missed it, Judge is dealing with a mild hip strain, and Aaron Boone is biding his time to see whether the AL home-run king needs to go on the injured list.

The outfielder inked a nine-year, $360 million deal over the offseason, and didn’t even make it through April unscathed. To be fair, I’m not rooting against Judge — I’m rooting against the Pinstripes. Do you know how he hurt his hip? Sliding trying to steal third base on his 31st birthday on Wednesday. At least that’s what the speculation is, because the next day he was pulled after striking out twice, and hasn’t seen the diamond since.

“In the grand scheme of things and big picture, we do feel like we got good news on it,” Boone said when asked about Judge’s diagnosis

He’s right. That is good news. It’s not like Judge needs hip-replacement surgery. It’s just a mild strain to the part of the body that’s most readily referenced when making fun of a player (or your buddy) for being old. Never mind that the slugger is currently slashing below his career average on a team that’s two games over .500, good for fourth in the AL East, 3.5 games out of second and third place, and eight back from Tampa.

While it’s extremely early — we haven’t even played 30 games yet — and the Yankees will assuredly go on a run, the Judge contract is lingering in the air like a fart no one wants to claim. (Don’t worry, Hal Steinbrenner will blame it on Brian Cashman, like he probably does with all the odorous gas that leaks out in the owner’s box.)

I’m sure if you ask Yankees fans about Judge, they’ll feed you some bullshit along the lines of “If I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. The memories from that 62-home run season are worth every penny of Judge’s $360 million deal.” And you know what? They’re right — which is the whole joke. Once you drop Illmatic, the only direction from there is down.

Judge’s 2022 MVP campaign was absurd. He hit the leather off the ball. He had the best contract season in the history of contract seasons across any sport. He played so well it made Roger Maris Jr. weep, essentially guaranteeing the Yankees had to overpay him. The ending to the storybook season was a sweep at the hands of Houston and another ringless year in New York.

How quickly Judge’s contract turns into an albatross, I don’t know. It’s really dependent on health, and that’s been a crapshoot throughout Judge’s career. For right now, though, this could not be going any better, because it couldn’t be going any worse for Yankees fans.